I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'