Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.