Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
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Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.