He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.