Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.