i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test