Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.