She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.