You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.