just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.