I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
