omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?