Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We talked him into tasing himself.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.