Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.