i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.