I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
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I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.