only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer