wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.