I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud