There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"