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you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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