Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.