He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.