Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (530)

Last Night in California (530)

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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

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(530): He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/h0f1

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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

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(530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f

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You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.

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(530): You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/48s1

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Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.

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(530): Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls. http://tfl.nu/qy86

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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(

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(530): Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :( http://tfl.nu/eg10

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69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle

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(530): 69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle http://tfl.nu/56qq

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i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something

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(530): i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something http://tfl.nu/obfg

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You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.

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(530): You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger. http://tfl.nu/azyx

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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away

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(530): He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away http://tfl.nu/6kvy

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i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry

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(530): i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry http://tfl.nu/jhtm

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My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.

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(530): My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower. http://tfl.nu/udbm

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Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection

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(530): Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection http://tfl.nu/e8qx

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before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake

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(530): before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake http://tfl.nu/dlo4

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shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

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just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

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yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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(530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl

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Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds

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Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.

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(530): Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds (1-530): Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning. http://tfl.nu/ltqk

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Last Night in California (530)

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