why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.