why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.