i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas