i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dating After Heartbreak
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas