Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (434)

Last Night in Virginia (434)

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I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.

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Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.

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(434): I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes. (1-434): Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/t985

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I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...

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(434): I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either... http://tfl.nu/vddq

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She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4

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(434): She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4 http://tfl.nu/9o7z

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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

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son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

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(434): you would not believe what I got pierced last night... (540): son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear. http://tfl.nu/q4w6

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I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.

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(434): I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents. http://tfl.nu/eibu

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question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.

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(434): question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/0m41

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Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.

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(434): Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/4ejh

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he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him

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(434): he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him http://tfl.nu/rnup

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I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.

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(434): I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it. http://tfl.nu/sxq7

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Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!

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Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.

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(540): Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like! (434): Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE. http://tfl.nu/nxwj

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Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.

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(434): Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad. http://tfl.nu/ab13

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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.

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(434): i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister. http://tfl.nu/d8xo

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So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970

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(434): So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970 http://tfl.nu/x6yp

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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still

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(434): At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still http://tfl.nu/1pcd

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Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.

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(434): Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now. http://tfl.nu/1bza

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Last Night in Virginia (434)

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