I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.