i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
false alarm. still invincible.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.