woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.