Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.