that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.