I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.