"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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No I am not eating basil off your cock
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.