Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real