these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?