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Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
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