Last Night in Florida (863)

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila

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• (863): View more from Florida

  you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar

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• (863): View more from Florida

  We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?

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• (863): View more from Florida

  Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?

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• (863): View more from Florida

  If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him

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• (863): View more from Florida

  oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Party in the USA is so catchy!

  (863): View more from Florida

  Yea, so is AIDS.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

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• (863): View more from Florida

  Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.

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