I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.