I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us