Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (802)

Last Night in Vermont (802)

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I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.

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(802): I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/89bk

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my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???

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(802): my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME??? http://tfl.nu/x0d6

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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...

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(802): he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes... http://tfl.nu/9zzk

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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.

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(802): beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces. http://tfl.nu/r2in

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Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.

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(802): Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water. http://tfl.nu/oebe

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the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME

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(802): the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME http://tfl.nu/i706

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and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?

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(802): and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina? http://tfl.nu/mzx1

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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."

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(802): We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money." http://tfl.nu/9u0b

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hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up

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(802): hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up http://tfl.nu/zwwo

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he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him

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(802): he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him http://tfl.nu/grpf

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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.

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(802): You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises. http://tfl.nu/vxkf

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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke

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(802): i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke http://tfl.nu/r62l

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Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.

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(802): Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good. http://tfl.nu/wigs

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Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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(802): Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami." http://tfl.nu/q4af

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and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?

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not the response he usually gets im sure.

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(802): and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college? (1-802): not the response he usually gets im sure. http://tfl.nu/gci3

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Last Night in Vermont (802)

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