I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."