as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.