after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!