also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.