i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
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Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.