Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.