girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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