I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?