she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.