Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (604)

Last Night in British Columbia (604)

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she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.

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(604): she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me. http://tfl.nu/s0lh

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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

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(604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j

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i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.

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(604): i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later. http://tfl.nu/i15d

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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening

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(604): I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening http://tfl.nu/c0v1

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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.

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(604): Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better. http://tfl.nu/c4mu

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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.

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(604): I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you. http://tfl.nu/twb2

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he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?

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(604): he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him? http://tfl.nu/uzgr

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The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.

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(604): The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches. http://tfl.nu/tdy2

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I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.

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(604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was. http://tfl.nu/96eh

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I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.

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(604): I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/rlh2

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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed

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(604): his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed http://tfl.nu/zsvf

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mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.

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(604): mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday. http://tfl.nu/2gms

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found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long

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wtf you measured my hair?

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(604): found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long (1-604): wtf you measured my hair? http://tfl.nu/f3a1

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I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?

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Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.

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Ohh that happened after I started to cry.

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(604): I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous? (778): Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely. (604): Ohh that happened after I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/giil

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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.

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(604): He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route. http://tfl.nu/lmqa

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Last Night in British Columbia (604)

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