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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
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