she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.