She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.