Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (509)

Last Night in Washington (509)

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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?

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(509): I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become? http://tfl.nu/prj3

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why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?

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(509): why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings? http://tfl.nu/epiw

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went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.

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(509): went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down. http://tfl.nu/4560

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This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.

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(509): This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes. http://tfl.nu/scwa

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I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker

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(509): I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker http://tfl.nu/fgze

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i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.

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(509): i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me. http://tfl.nu/hwe3

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i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.

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(509): i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it. http://tfl.nu/yjzk

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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.

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Is that even possible?

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I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.

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(509): He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me. (425): Is that even possible? (509): I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/y48j

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My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?

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It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.

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(509): My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that? (541): It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you. http://tfl.nu/ntpo

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Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin

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was*

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True, R.I.P.

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(509): Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin (253): was* (509): True, R.I.P. http://tfl.nu/u2pm

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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.

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(509): you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever. http://tfl.nu/fzjz

Replies (10) Good night (475) Bad night (2008)
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.

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(509): I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore. http://tfl.nu/24ew

Replies (10) Good night (682) Bad night (1823) Order T-Shirt
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?

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(509): I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night? http://tfl.nu/36p9

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He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.

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(509): He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that. http://tfl.nu/zg72

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There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.

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(509): There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere. http://tfl.nu/0uwm

Replies (9) Good night (722) Bad night (1735) Order T-Shirt

Last Night in Washington (509)

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