It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??