Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Indiana (812)

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300

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  (812): Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300 http://tfl.nu/t71x
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  I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.

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  (812): I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear. http://tfl.nu/1shh
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  I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking

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  (812): I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking http://tfl.nu/99b5
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  Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee

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  (812): Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee http://tfl.nu/tqb3
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  My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.

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  (812): My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete. http://tfl.nu/hbes
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  Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.

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  (812): Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down. http://tfl.nu/9hkg
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  Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.

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  (812): Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome. http://tfl.nu/9uj2
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  the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.

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  (812): the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica. http://tfl.nu/fg5p
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  Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.

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  (812): Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible. http://tfl.nu/givh
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  gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real

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  (812): gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real http://tfl.nu/mhxe
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  Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night

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  (812): Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night http://tfl.nu/74fx
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  Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad

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  (812): Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad http://tfl.nu/owz5
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  Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina

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  Post that event on your timeline

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  (812): Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina (513): Post that event on your timeline http://tfl.nu/4t95
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  I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.

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  (812): I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon. http://tfl.nu/la4i
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  You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants

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  That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.

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  (317): You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants (812): That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub. http://tfl.nu/6wmx
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