I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him